Am I still technically a millennial if I don’t see the appeal in avocado? I mean, I hear a lot about health benefits and all that, and y’know, that’s great and all. But like… it’s weird and mushy. And they have huge pits in them. They’re just weird produce. Like, when I was kid, avocados would be one of those things I see on a distant shelf in the produce section of a grocery store, and I’d never see anyone buying them. Now nobody can stop talking about them.

Well, whatever. Nobody calls me a man of the world for a reason. If you’re not like me and are into avocado, there are good things it goes into. Western-style sushi, first and foremost. I do love me a California roll, though I tend to eat the crab after the avocado to cleanse the taste out. I’m a picky eater, sue me.